Ready And Willing

I go and flow and grow to let you know
I damage ya I'm not an amateur but a pro-
-fessional unquestionable without doubt superb
So full of action, my name should be a verb -Bid Daddy Kane

Y'all know I love hip hop. And I love braggadocious lyrics. If I could flip my negative self-talk to Big Daddy Kane lyrics I could eliminate 75.37% of my need for therapy.

I'm not really one to brag. Women from my generation were not socialized to big up themselves. It was seen as impolite. Or worse, conceited or stuck up. I am more than happy to break out of this programming.

Today's my birthday. But I don't want to talk about the year ahead just yet. I want to highlight this past year. 50 was an awesome year. My favorite year in recent memory. I did some incredible things. I'm going to channel my inner (possibly over-) confident emcee and brag a bit about the past year now.

I Danced My Ass Off

My favorite past-time, exercise, and humbling endeavor was taking pole dance classes. It was a bucket list item that I fell in love with. It's hard. And most time in the classes I look like I'm struggling. But after a year of classes, I can do things I would have never thought possible. I became strong enough to climb up the pole and get in and out of certain moves without injuring myself. I learned to enjoy an activity that I didn't start out perfect or even good at. And I learned to feel comfortable and sometimes even sexy in this middle age body despite being surrounded by less squishy 20-year-olds.

I Started A Band

OK, to be clear, I only played with one other person. And, yeah, sure, what I called band practice he called "beginner lessons." And I paid him for said "lessons." But that's not really the point. The point is that I picked up a guitar and tried it. As with pole dancing, I was not a natural. Unlike pole dancing, I did not keep up with guitar lessons. But I loved it while I was playing and I'm looking forward to getting back into it.

I Was A World Traveler

With Covid rates subsiding, I was itching to be outside. And what better place to be outside than Costa Rica? I took my first (and definitely not last) solo international trip. I had dreamed of going to Costa Rica for over 20 years. In fact, a Costa Rican vacation was on my list of things to do before turning 30. I missed that original deadline but I more than made up for it last summer. From the moment the plane touched down I felt at home. I spent hours on the beach just soaking it all in.

I'm A Teacher's Pet

Finally, over a decade after completing my master's degree, I enrolled in school again. I'm in a Ph.D. program at California Institute of Integral Studies (CIIS). My friend put me on to this university and it's a perfect fit for me. I absolutely love it. There's a lot of reading of course, and I was nervous about writing academically after such a long break from it. But I'm doing something right. Though grades don't mean that much in doctoral studies, they don't lie. All A's so far.

I Broke Free

After my Costa Rica trip, I knew I wanted to travel more. Not just a vacation here and there. I wanted a lifestyle of travel. I began dreaming of and planning for that lifestyle before the trip was over. "I'm going to leave my job and travel the world" became my mantra and prayer. A prayer that has been answered. Some circumstances accelerated my plan. Others threatened to derail it. But my belief that I was being called to do something different with my life never altered. My comfort zone became increasingly uncomfortable so I broke free.

I'll stop there for now. I have to be honest. This was not an easy post to write. And I'm not sure how it will be received.

I don't think I'm better than anyone else. And I don't want anyone to feel bad as I write about things I'm privileged to experience. But I'm feeling great about this amazing life I have now. It wasn't that long ago that I didn't think I'd live past age 46. It was that long ago that I didn't want to live at all.

So, each day is truly a gift. Even the ones that are less brag-worthy. 50 was an incredible year for me. Age 51 has some big shoes to fill. But I'm ready and willing for the new adventures it'll bring.

Categories: : Wellness