Introvert Things

“I sit alone in my four-cornered room
Staring at candles” -Scarface

I know Geto Boys did not intend “Mind Playing Tricks on Me” to be an inspirational anthem. But sitting alone in my room with candles burning sounds like a good time to me. That is why I look forward to weekends. Throw in some herbal tea and it’s Happy Hour. One rapper’s nightmare is this introvert’s dream.

One of my brothers once posted that introverts who are always talking about being introverts are annoying. Knowing that my brothers and I once had a contest to see which one of us was more antisocial makes his post hilariously ironic. But I get it. Introverts, like all people, are nuanced individuals and should have more to talk about than not liking crowds and canceling social plans. Or, worst yet, whining about being misunderstood. My brother is right. That is so annoying. Some introverts are like PETA vegans. Fake deep with no range. And, yet, here I am, writing a post about being an introvert. I guess I’m annoying too.

Common Traits of Introverts

Verywellmind.com lists characteristics of introverts. The following are traits that I share.

Introverts find being around people to be draining.
Introverts enjoy being alone.
Introverts are self-aware.
Too much stimulation leaves introverts feeling scattered and overwhelmed.

Common Myths About Introverts

Don’t believe the hype. These are not necessarily true.

Introverts are socially awkward.
Introverts hate people.
Introverts are rude, cold, or distant.
Introverts are unhappy or depressed.

“I’m not lonely, I’m alone.
And I’m holy by my own” -Jamila Woods

As a child, I was called shy. As a teen, a loner. In college, antisocial. As an adult, all of the above. I don’t understand the need for small talk and rarely participate in workplace banter. I am always in my head; thinking, daydreaming, fretting. I get exhausted from being around people in malls, conferences, and festivals. Although I have partied quite a bit in my life. The liquor must have carried me through.

Types of Introverts

I recently learned about the four types of introverts. They are:

Social: prefers not to socialize
Thinking: pensive; lost in own world
Anxious: anxious about socializing
Restrained: slow to warm up

I identify with each of the four types. Results from this quiz revealed that I’m primarily a restrained introvert which means I think deeply before acting or speaking. Sounds about right.

According to 16personalities.com, my dominant traits are introverted, intuitive, feeling and judging (INFJ). About INFJs, also referred to as “Advocates,” the site states, people “would all do well to remember that Advocates need time alone to decompress and recharge, and not to become too alarmed when they suddenly withdraw. Advocates take great care of others’ feelings, and they expect the favor to be returned – sometimes that means giving them the space they need for a few days.” Again, sounds about right.

Speak My Language

I recently read an article entitled, “The 6th Love Language: Distance.” Many are familiar with Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages; acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, and touch. These love languages describe how people receive and give love. The article I read proposes a sixth love language; distance or space away from your loved ones. Though not exclusively a need for introverts, I believe the gift of space is incredibly loving and necessary. Having time alone to decompress grounds me. Needing distance doesn’t mean that I dislike my coworkers or that I’m tired of my kids or that I want out of a relationship. It also doesn’t always mean that I’m depressed. Though, sometimes I am. Time alone helps me show up as a more relaxed person and, therefore, a better mother, a better partner, and a better employee. So, don’t be surprised if I retreat to my room alone with some candles. It’s one of the languages I speak.

Categories: : Wellness