I'm Real

I do what I wanna do
I say what I wanna say, when I feel, and I
Look in the mirror and know I'm there
With my hands in the air, I'm proud to say yeah
I'm real, I'm real, I'm really, really, real
-Kendrick Lamar, Anna Wise

It's July 1st. It's that time of year again. Half of the year has passed and I feel like taking inventory. It's a time to assess how I'm feeling. How's my mental health? Am I sleeping well? Do I have any new unexplained aches and pains? Have I made progress on my goals? Hell, do I even remember my goals? What moves do I want to make in the second half of the year?

Plus, it's my birthday month. My birthday is like having another New Year's Day approaching. Time to indulge. Time to celebrate. Time to celebrate new beginnings by indulging in things that maybe shouldn't be included in your new beginnings. Like Oreos dipped in chocolate icing. But that's not so bad, is it? It has to be better on my liver than some previous celebrations. Plus the Oreos are gluten-free. That should give me a nutritional pass.

The mid-year/birthday evaluation is huge this year. Chocolate cravings aside, everything in my life right now feels brand new. I am certainly a different person than I was last year. But very similar to the nine-year-old version of me. I'm outside every day. I walk barefoot. I dance. I watch nature shows. I laugh. I listen to music. I cry while listening to music. I daydream...a lot. I write secrets and poems in my journal every chance I get.

But those are all things that I do. Not who I am. "Who am I?" has always been a tricky question for me. Am I my mama's twin or just like my dad? Am I nonviolent or by any means necessary? Am I a lady in the streets or a fre-- Well, you know the rest.

I often limited myself to false binaries; sharing different pieces of myself with different crowds but never showing up totally. Only a select few know the real---good, bad, and ugly. The truth is, who I am encompasses so much and changes often. I go through phases like the moon who rules my astrological sign. The last few years have been about accepting that about myself.

I'm getting to know who I am without getting so attached to the current version that I refuse to transform when it's time. And, chile, let me tell you. It's time.

Categories: : Wonder