A More Complete Healing: The Importance of Community

If you believe in us, then we will believe that
(All I need is the love of my crew)
-Jean Grae, Jay-Z

Last January I kicked off the year with a self-care challenge. I posted about the self-care activities that I completed for the first 31 days of the year. Among other things, I took walks, had solo lunch dates, and went to the spa. I was intentional about drinking water. I read for pleasure. I napped. My self-care was impeccable.

One self-care activity I planned was to go out with a friend. That was a different move for me. As a natural-born introvert, I have not always considered people as part of self-care. Peopling can be tiring. Self-care, to me, meant solitude. Alone time. It was a time to take care of my needs. A time to heal. The unspoken beliefs underneath all of that were that 1. People were why I needed to heal and 2. People did not contribute to my healing. The inclusion of this one activity was an act of vulnerability, albeit a small one. It was me acknowledging that something that I needed to take care of myself resided in another person. The acknowledgment was in opposition to the trap of individualism I had fallen into.

The worldwide pandemic led me back to community. Virtual meetings and streaming events changed the game for me. I had access to groups that would never have fit into my schedule face-to-face. Online I attended Black meditation groups, mental health support groups, a Nap Ministry nap-in, poetry readings, writing workshops, life coaching sessions, and healing circles. All without the anxiety I used to feel in social spaces. I wasn't flustered over not knowing where or how to park. I didn’t have to hide to avoid the pre-event small talk. I didn’t overthink what to wear. I just showed up. The more I showed up, the more I engaged. And the more I engaged, the more I looked forward to attending. I became a regular in some groups. I remembered names and was remembered by others. And it felt good. More than that, it felt healing. My newfound communities provided insights that helped me work through issues with more ease. I was no longer trying to do all of the healing work myself. I was supported and encouraged. I no longer felt alone and misunderstood.

Self-care is an integral piece of my wellness journey. But self-care is incomplete care. We need others. We will not heal in isolation pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps. We will only heal in the loving arms of community.

Categories: : Wellness